10 Life Lessons I Learned in My 20s: A Journey to Self-Trust
As I bid farewell to my twenties and step into my thirties, I find myself reflecting on the invaluable lessons I've learned. My twenties were a decade filled with challenges, growth, and self-discovery. Today, I want to share with you the top ten lessons that shaped me into the person I am now - someone who has learned to trust herself deeply.
1. Letting Go of Others' Expectations
The first and perhaps most crucial lesson I learned was to release myself from the weight of others' expectations. It wasn't an overnight transformation, but a gradual process of rewiring my brain. I started asking myself simple yet powerful questions like, "Is this what I want?" or "Do I want to go to this event?" This practice helped me distinguish between my true desires and the expectations imposed by others. Remember, when you feel like you're "falling behind," challenge that thought. Ask yourself, "Falling behind what?" Your journey is unique, and it's okay if it doesn't fit into someone else's box.
2. The Evolution of Friendships
A hard but necessary lesson was understanding that not all bonds are meant to last forever. As you grow and evolve, some relationships may naturally fall away. It's a bittersweet part of personal growth, but it's important to remember that this creates space for new relationships that align with who you're becoming. Cherish your friends while they're in your life, but don't sacrifice your growth for relationships that no longer serve you.
3. Navigating Divorce with Grace
For those who have gone through or are going through a divorce, know this: it's not the end, it's a new beginning. Everyone's divorce journey is different. Whether you're ready to date again or prefer to focus on rediscovering your independence, both paths are valid. Remember, "You're on your own, kid. Yeah, you can face this. You're on your own, kid, and you always have been." These words from Taylor Swift's song resonated deeply with me, reminding me of the strength I've always possessed.
4. Taking Control of Finances
Financial literacy is a crucial step towards independence. Start small - even just beginning to invest can give you a sense of control and confidence. Learn to delay gratification and educate yourself about money management. There are numerous free resources available, like the "Her First 100K" podcast, which can be incredibly helpful. Remember, there are no stupid questions when it comes to managing your money.
5. The Power of Mindset Shifts
Changing your mindset isn't about ignoring negative emotions, but about reframing them constructively. Instead of thinking, "I can't do this," try "This is challenging, but I can learn and grow from it." These small shifts in perspective can profoundly impact your overall well-being and resilience. Practice gratitude and positive self-talk - it can transform your daily life.
6. The Importance of Routines
Creating realistic routines can ground you, help manage time, and increase productivity and peace of mind. Start by observing your natural habits and gradually incorporate new elements. A structured day can provide stability, especially during stressful times. Remember, your routine should work for you - it doesn't need to mirror anyone else's.
7. Embracing Difficult Conversations
Avoiding difficult conversations often leads to resentment and misunderstanding. While it's never easy to confront issues, these discussions are vital for healthy relationships. Approach these talks with empathy and a willingness to listen, but also stand firm in expressing your needs. Each time you advocate for yourself, you grow stronger.
8. Setting Healthy Boundaries
Contrary to popular belief, setting boundaries isn't about pushing people away - it's about letting them in on your terms. Boundaries protect your well-being, preserve your energy, and ultimately build self-trust. They're not walls, but guidelines that help you navigate relationships healthily. When you set boundaries, you're declaring that you value your own needs, which is a powerful form of self-respect.
9. Embracing Both Strength and Softness
One of the most liberating realizations was that strength and softness can coexist. You don't need to harden yourself to be strong. There's immense power in vulnerability, in being open to love and empathy while still maintaining your boundaries. Your version of 'soft' is unique to you, and discovering it is part of letting go of others' expectations.
10. Accepting That You Might Be Someone's 'Villain'
As difficult as it is to accept, you will inevitably be the 'bad guy' in someone else's story. This doesn't mean you should be unkind, but it's important to recognize that you can't control others' perceptions. Stay true to yourself, maintain your integrity, and focus on your personal growth - even if others don't always understand.
Conclusion
My twenties were filled with tough lessons, but they've shaped me into someone I truly love and appreciate. As you approach milestone ages, instead of focusing on what you haven't accomplished, celebrate the life you've lived - the joys, the losses, the growth. Every experience, good or bad, contributes to who you are.
Remember, your journey is uniquely yours. Trust yourself, honor your growth, and keep taking up space. You've got this!
